The Hall of L.A.M.E - Life Lessons Less Learned (The 4 L's)

In my nearly thirty years on this planet, I've learned a whole mess of crap that I'll never need in the real world. This installment of the H.O.L however, deals with useful lessons I've learned through either common sense or a complete lack thereof! The lessons below will seem hilarious to the intelligent and as invaluable pearls of wisdom to those who suffer from severe stupidity. So without further adieu, I bring to you Utopia Rising's Hall of L.A.M.E, life lessons less learned. Enjoy...

1. Wipe until their is no more brown on the paper.

2. Shake it more then three times and you're playing with it.

3. Electricity + Water = bad

4. Sharp things hurt.

5. Playing with fire, although fun, will inevitably burn you.

6. Getting Maced sucks.

7. Without a nipple, a titty isn't shit.

8. Don't ever fight ugly people, they've got nothing to lose.

9. We think animals are stupid creatures, animals know we are stupid creatures.

10. Stupidity is eventually painful.

11. Beer is the source of and solution too, most of the worlds problems.

12. If the world is going to hell in a hand basket, I call shotgun!

13. If you piss into the wind, it comes back in your face.

14. Don't ever swallow mouthwash.

15. Anything with teeth, can and will bite.

16. Most of the best tasting foods look and sometimes smell like ass.

17. War, what is it good for? Population control!

18. Sand hides in the weirdest places.

19. Nothing is more dangerous then a monkey with a machine gun riding atop a hippo.

20. Nothing in this world smells worse then egg or cabbage farts.

21. Blood is thicker then water but melted feces is thicker then both.

22. Free is the best price.

23. The only understanding that we can gather is that we'll gather no understanding.

24. If everyone were truly individuals, we'd all be cultural minorities.

25. Don't you wizz on the electric fence.

26. "He who smelt it, dealt it" was invented by someone with cabbage farts.

27. No one is born an asshole, it takes years of study, practice and dedication.

28. Just so the many wannabe vampire plebeians know, "The blood is the life" isn't a vampiric quote, it's a biblical one.

29. About 98% of humanity, takes about 3% responsibility for their life and problems.

30. They say, "God helps those, who help themselves" then who in the fuck really needs God?

31. I was once told by an old wiseman "a bird in the hand is worth 15$ in NJ"