The Hall of L.A.M.E - Fuck You Very Much!

I...am Fred, pure and simple...I am me! When I fart, people say, "damn Fred farted" and when I say something funny people say, "Fred's a funny mother fucker". I breathe, eat, sleep, shit, have sex, take showers (no baths, I don't like laying in my own filth) and on occasion as some of you might have noticed, I use what most consider "foul language".

I'm also known for stating the hard truth whenever asked for my opinion and so a lot of what I say sounds very harsh. I speak in plain English and don't often beat around the Dubya bush, which is also why my hall of L.A.M.E is so popular. I am a man...an average man that's happy with life and who lives it every god damned day to it's fullest and like it's my last! I have a wonderful wife, who puts up with my shit (sometimes I'm actually hard to get along with, asshole) and she still supports me in what I do and what I like.

I'm agoraphobic and so she deals with me not leaving the house in ways most in my condition can only dream of. I have feelings, I have emotions, dreams and ambitions, desires that burn deep within the core of my being, things that keep me alive each and every day. People however, seem to want my dreams and ambitions squashed like a roach under a fat guys shoes, but aren't we all entitled to seek our own happiness? So why is it everytime I have a dream or goal, "the man" attempts to keep me from achieving them?

Is global domination that horrible a thing, the near eradication of the human race until only a few pretty cool people survive, like in the movies. But alas, I feel as though my dream will never be realized and have since abandoned that dream for a more feasible one. My new goals and dreams have been firmly centered around forming a new religion called Fredism, my congregation would be called Fredites. Those who oppose us would be anti-Fredites, and our holy symbol will simply be a capital letter "F" which even comes before the Christian's lowercase letter "t".

Our one and only church will be wherever the fuck I'm living and I would also be the one and only Priest (no molestation...Guaranteed). More on the religion of Fredism later...for now though, fuck you very much!